And 2 years later.......

Has been an eternity since I wrote anything.  Wow.

 So much has changed. My whole life has changed.

I don't even live in the same state.  Physically, mentally, or emotionally.

 I miss some parts of the old life, but mostly am thankful I am alive.  It is the first time in a long time I really want to be.  

I think I have finally earned my 'reward' for all my hard work and God has let me come home to my family full of love.

My healing has begun being nurtured by those around me.  My eyes see more every day. My heart unfreezes from the years of neglect & hurt.  

The waves were high, Lord, and the sea of life angry.  You saw me through and put me in this place of love & light.  To rest, to love, to be loved. To heal a bit each day.
Most of all
to be thankful for all your blessings upon me. 
Thank you, God, for not forgetting about me.

I am putting together the pieces of what JOY looks like. What I want in my heart and what must stay out. I have felt my JOY since I have been here.  I know it is still in me. Just that HOPE of a better way and being safe will help pave my way to my Joy again.

I do Believe.
  

The end of summer......

Well, summer has 'ended' and the garden is in harvest.  Time for picking and canning, jelly & jam making, and the start of preparing for winter.  Hard to believe Fall is almost upon us.
August held 22 days of 90F and above for The Eastern Plains. Unusually hot for us.
This week's Wednesday brought lower temperatures and last night, Saturday, I had to close the night windows because it was chilly.
I did enjoy the freshness of the air as I snuggled beneath my winter quilt.  Good sleeping weather.
July first I had purposely embarked upon a journey.  Not quite a journey one might think, but another mother would understand.  July was the new fiscal year for our health insurance.  The kids are taken care of and back in school and I had vowed I would go for those dreaded back x-rays and take on whatever the direction I was pointed. Mothers do not submit to being 'broken' until it is in print or so obvious it cannot be hidden anymore  Well, the occasional use of my cane had caught some attention (my nine year old hates me to use it!), but so far, discovering my back brace under my apron has not.  Anyhow, the beginning of the new fiscal year and deductable brought me to Doc S and back x-rays and (most dreaded) MRI.
September 1st found me leaving the small rural hospital holding the disk containing my MRI photos:  100+ photos of my lumbar spine and hips.  Of course I looked at them.  Results of a laymans/mother's eye:  I am most certainly 'broken'.
I am sure I am heading for a long period of treatment & recovery.  I planned for it.  I am surprised , however, the emotions I am experiencing.  I have never had to admit I am 'broken' and have never skipped a beat raising the 5 girls.  It is hard to slow down and stop.
My crafting has all but stopped, too, and , it seems, my creative soul (so necessary to my being) has ceased talking to me.  I sit and blankly stare at my craft table, sewing machine, and paints.
Come on, Mojo!  I so desperately need a friend right now!

...and it's JULY already.....

I set up my blog and entered a couple entries and then just watched.  I added myself as a follower just to make sure the thing worked.  Oh well, guess this blog thing isn't for everyone.  I decided it is just for me, then.

Well, I was just be-bopping along and I suddenly tripped over life.  What a difference a day makes in this journey of life.  I guess the older we get , changes are harder.  And sometimes some changes aren't meant to be happening, but do.
The month of May was upon me and I barely made it through my swaps and took June off completely. I felt like I couldn't create anymore! July I just signed up for a couple 'easy' ones because you know the old 'too much time on your hands' thing.  I thought my mojo would return if I started out slow.
Crafting & creating is my expression and escape from reality sometimes.  The days I cannot move from the couch, I find that drawing and creating allows me to focus on limitless possibilities rather than limitations.  Like reading a book full of adventure.  Can't wait to read the ending to see how things turn out.  My creations come together and sometimes even surprise me! All of a sudden, this escape seemed to escape me! I never realized how important my Art is to me until I felt it was gone.

Then I got butterflies & love in the mail one day.  : )

Daughter #2 went on the Joann's website and ordered 3 butterfly punches and a butterfly sizzlits for me.  The note said, "I love you, Mom".
I must have punched out 1000 butterflies out of various papers that day.  And when my daughter came over for a surprise visit, I was just sitting there amid paper scraps and lots & lots of butterflies.  : )

What a difference a day makes in this journey of life.
Hope you have a butterfly day today.
I will.  : )

paper weaving

Today I wove the scraps of acrylic paint paper together. Glued it together and let it dry.  Then inked it with wild honey & broken china distress inks (both sides). I then took a rubber spatula and coated the whole thing with antique decoupage finish. It dried quite nicely.  I now look at this 5x7 rectangle sheet and think of the ways I can proceed.  Definitely want to emboss and dry brush.  Wonder how it would take a stamp first...hmmmmm.  So many possibilities...
My ship confirmation came saying my Tim Coffey paper pack is on the way.  I am so excited!! I have a few designer papers, but not many.  Since the nearest craft store is 3 hours away, I rely upon internet purchases.  Those tiny pictures showing paper packs do not do the pack justice and I hesitate to purchase without seeing the paper.  I need to feel it just like I need to feel fabric for sewing.  Fortunately, every once in a while a You Tuber will show a whole paper pack and I fell in love with Tim Coffey's designs!  Ordered the Blossomwood collection.  Can't wait to get it!
Lastly, today I watched a craft video showing a woman's sewing room.  Very nice room.  In the end of the video, she talked about having joy in your life and counting your blessings every day.  I know I get pretty self absorbed being alone so much.  Gets lonely, too.  She gave some really sound advice.  I am going to take her up on it.  My joy has been packed away for too long and it is time to get it out and dust it off.  Appreciate the wonder of the world around me.
Good goal for the morning..........
g'nite.

Getting started...

Well, I found the blog stuff again and had to reset it all because I forgot the password! I am hoping this blog spot stuff is not as complicated as it looks.  I need a place to write for me; by me. 
As my world is small, living 20 miles from anywhere, the internet is my only option for interaction and sharing of ideas. I love to create. I have to create.  I have used many mediums, tools, supplies and find if I do not create (or invent, as the case may be) I get very cranky.  I belong to one ning site with paper crafting and find many great ideas and suggestions available to my never ending creating brain.  Some of these fellow scrapsters are willing to tolerate my questions and answer the best to their ability.  In the end, I compile these suggestions and end up with a bit of this & a bit of that and a creation I am proud of.  There are many talented scrapsters out there!  I love You Tube and could easily lose a day just watching videos! Someday I hope to be brave enough to do a video of a creation.  Meanwhile, I can & will  post pictures.  Not bad for a first blog.  Let's see where it goes from here..........
Blessings to all!